Re: poly: I fully agree most people should not do it. People in the "need dating advice to not be single" category should especially not be trying to be poly, for several reasons.
But I've got to comment on this:
> The fully polyamorous people report being slightly happier than the fully monogamous people. The problem is that actually going fully poly is quite rare. Even if you can pull it off, which the stats say you won’t, in exchange for that result the whole operation requires gigantic buttloads of work. Your shower thoughts will in large part be about juggling your various relationships, and the relationships of your relationships, and so on. Whenever you meet someone, you’ll be considering what might happen. I don’t know how to do other great work under those conditions, especially when the work is entirely unrelated. I’ve seen existence proofs, to be sure, but also many more cautionary tales.
That's not been my experience at all, and not the experience of most poly people I know (Bay Area, mostly dancers). I've been poly almost my entire adult life. Maybe it's different in your local community, I don't know.
My shower thoughts are <1% about juggling relationships (and all of that is strictly scheduling, which isn't confined to poly - I also have to handle scheduling family, other friends, etc) and 0% about juggling relationships of relationships (I recommend dating people who will not need you to juggle their relationships for them, whether or not you are poly). It is somewhat more work, but largely in the way that having more close friends is more work. It doesn't have to take over your life.
Dating Roundup #1: This Is Why You're Still Single
Re: poly: I fully agree most people should not do it. People in the "need dating advice to not be single" category should especially not be trying to be poly, for several reasons.
But I've got to comment on this:
> The fully polyamorous people report being slightly happier than the fully monogamous people. The problem is that actually going fully poly is quite rare. Even if you can pull it off, which the stats say you won’t, in exchange for that result the whole operation requires gigantic buttloads of work. Your shower thoughts will in large part be about juggling your various relationships, and the relationships of your relationships, and so on. Whenever you meet someone, you’ll be considering what might happen. I don’t know how to do other great work under those conditions, especially when the work is entirely unrelated. I’ve seen existence proofs, to be sure, but also many more cautionary tales.
That's not been my experience at all, and not the experience of most poly people I know (Bay Area, mostly dancers). I've been poly almost my entire adult life. Maybe it's different in your local community, I don't know.
My shower thoughts are <1% about juggling relationships (and all of that is strictly scheduling, which isn't confined to poly - I also have to handle scheduling family, other friends, etc) and 0% about juggling relationships of relationships (I recommend dating people who will not need you to juggle their relationships for them, whether or not you are poly). It is somewhat more work, but largely in the way that having more close friends is more work. It doesn't have to take over your life.